Dumped by my Meetup Group…

Had kind of a crappy day today — hooray, my every other day sucks philosophy proves true again! — you know the kind where you can’t figure out what to do with yourself? And your child won’t listen to any kind of reason or logic and/or do anything you want them to, and you kinda just wanna crawl back in bed and hit the RESTART button? Well, that was today in spades.

And then, about midway through the day, it hit me…today was Thursday. See, Thursdays used to be the day my newest Meetup Group of super-cool SAHD’s would get together at the park with the kids and vent and chill and laugh until the sun went down, or, you know, someone had to go home. It was always the highlight of my week, and then, something happened. One Dad said his kid’s nap schedule had changed so he couldn’t come in the afternoons anymore, another said he had to do the kid-exchange with his wife before heading to work and the hour just didn’t work for him anymore either. And so on and so on…

But as the SAHD’s dropped from the schedule like flies, I kept RSVP-ing and showing up with Greta at the park. Sometimes Meetup members showed up, sometimes they didn’t, but, it was the perfect time for us — for the record, 2:30PM is like, my favorite time to do anything…not too early, not too late. The perfect time! — so, we kept going. Until last week…

That’s when the captain (or the founder, or, whatever they’re called) of our Meetup Group sent me a snippy e-mail stating that he was thinking about disbanding the Thursday get-together because, and I quote: “As it is, that time is no longer convenient for me, or anyone else but you, for that matter.” Ouch! I was like, hold up now, did I just get dumped by my freaking Meetup Group?!

My wife says it’s no big deal and to just keep going to the park at the same time every Thursday, but, I dunno, man, part of me feels like that is the last place I wanna be on Thursdays at 2:30PM. Oy, I can see it now…me and Greta walking around the park in our faded, tattered wedding dresses, full-on Miss Havisham-style: “Where have all our lovely friends gone?” Nope. Not gonna do it.

Our captain did ask me if there were other times we could get together and I suggested a couple, but, the total radio silence on his end since that initial e-mail has pretty much confirmed things. I was stone-cold dumped by my Meetup Group, yo. Urgh, and how totally pathetic is that?

So, I reckon Thursday afternoons are just gonna keep on sucking for a while…or, you know, until I start my own “Fuck Your Meetup Group Meetup Group” on Thursdays at 2:30PM at the same park. Hmmm…come to think of it, that might be kinda fun!

Daddy’s magic mirror…

Do you ever just glance in that tiny, kiddie rearview mirror you have hanging below the main one and just think…wow, who is that amazing creature in my backseat? I do it a lot. You know, when I’m not thinking: “When is she gonna shut up so I can hear my Dr. Laura?!” Just kidding.

But I do love looking in that little rearview mirror and watching Greta just be Greta, especially when she doesn’t know I’m watching. The way she’ll chat up her dolls, or flip through a library book or even just sit there and sing with all the windows down and the crazy wind in her hair. It’s so magical and at the same time, I know that it’s so fleeting too. I mean, that little mirror isn’t gonna be around forever, and, hell, neither is the carseat for that matter.

The next thing you know Greta will be sitting next to me up front and asking to drive and borrow the car on weekends and shit. Crazy! But for now, I have my little mirror, my little window into her backseat world and I gotta admit, I love it…even when she’s interrupting Dr. Laura.

Summer’s Eve Commercials II

Sorry to totally obsess over this — Hey, I’m a SAHD, what the hell else am I gonna do all day? — but, just found this even weirder Summer’s Eve commercial online and had to share it with you. Unlike the cheapo “vertical smile” puppetry ads, this one looks like they spent some major bread on it, which makes it even crazier in my book!

So, without further ado, I give you the sprawling epic that is: “Hail to the V: The Extended Cut”. And, seriously, I defy you to think of a stranger ad campaign in recent history. Whoa…

Summer’s Eve Commercials

OK, has anyone else seen these crazy-ass new commercials for Summer’s Eve? Whoa! My Aunt posted the first one on Facebook last night and I thought, surely, this is some kinda joke…but, nope, these are the very racy, very strange new ads for Summer’s Eve products. Crazy, huh?

I am the total opposite of a prude, but, I gotta say, some of these commercials made me blush bright red. My stars, what will they think of next?! Yikes…

R.I.P. Amy Winehouse (via make. see. eat. do.)

OK, I know it’s kind of cheating, but, this new WordPress “REBLOG” feature is so rad, especially when you wanna share something on both of your blogs at once. Anyway, in case any of you wanted to read my brief tribute to the late, great, retro-powerhouse Amy Winehouse…here it is!

When I got that fateful text this morning from my friend James — he’s the Grim Reaper of dead celebrities and is, usually, the first to tell me when someone famous has died — I knew it must be someone kinda big by the way Christine reacted when she saw it. But, wow, how totally sad to hear that it was the very talented Miss Amy Winehouse. We don’t have any of her full-length albums, but, I remember like it was yesterday the first time I heard A … Read More

via make. see. eat. do.

When in doubt…write!

My favorite screenwriting teacher in college gave me some very good advice one time. He said that when life gets hard and shitty and it seems like there is no good outcome anywhere on the horizon…real writers, true writers, just keep writing.

Blowhard producer hated you last draft? Keep writing. Studio exec passed on your spec? Write another one. Writing partner who you thought you knew after working together for ten-plus years totally screw you over? Fuck em, and get to work on something else.

Not only is this is a totally simple solution to the age old problem of writer’s angst — in case you haven’t noticed, we’re a pretty obsessive, neurotic lot — but, it actually works. Stewing over slights perceived and otherwise is greatly overrated, my friends. The best way to feel better after getting screwed or rejected or whatever is to write something new. Even if it’s only an angry “fuck-you-letter” that you’ll never send, the simple act of putting words on a page is healing.

And you don’t have to be a screenwriter either, real writers (even real bad writers) just feel better somehow when they write. So, let your pens flow, amigos. And if you’re not ready to make lemonade out all the lemony bullshit that’s been flowing your way lately (sorry, back to myself again) then at the very least, you can write about it. Or not. Hell, write about something completely different.

The important thing is to just keep writing. Ever. Single. Day.

Amen…

No more lemons…

Wow, this week just keeps getting worse. Had two shitty, bad-news emails in a row this afternoon — guess vacation is really over — and I think I can say with some level of certainty that we are full-up on lemons, thank you!

I don’t know how she knew I needed it — I’ve become quite the expert at hiding the dark unrest in my soul from Greta these days — but she sat up while I was changing her, put her hands on my cheeks and told me: “It’s OK, Daddy. I love you, Dada.” and then kissed me. Sweetest. Thing. Ever. Totally made my day. So, I say, fuck the lemonade-making…sweet baby kisses for everyone!

Criterion Collection 50% off @ Barnes & Noble

Yep, you read that correctly, Criterion’s entire collection of super-cool, super-expensive DVD’s and Blu-Rays are on sale now through August 1st at Barnes & Noble. Awesome, huh?

Not only does the Criterion Collection offer the finest selection of classic, foreign and cult films anywhere, but they also feature some of the most beautifully-designed artwork ever. Sometimes, I actually go to the store just to look at the boxes…such a geek!

Anyway, if cool movies and artwork are not enough for you, consider this, Criterion Collection DVD’s and Blu-Rays hardly ever go on sale. So, if you or someone you love (hint, hint, Mrs. Yeti) is a fan of truly great films, get thee to a Barnes & Noble pronto.

And, no, I was not paid for this post. But, if someone at Criterion wants to send me a Blu-Ray copy of Nobuhiko Obayashi’s freaky-good “House” as payment. I’ll take it!

First day back…

Today was my first solo day back “at work”, and lemme tell ya, it sucked. It wasn’t Greta’s fault, she was actually really good for large chunks of time today, but rather, it was me. I guess after two-plus weeks of having two parents around, I lost my touch or something.

I didn’t leave her in the car or anything like that, but, seriously, every little shitty thing I could do wrong today, I did wrong. For instance, pulled out some meat to defrost and left the freezer cracked open for like, hours. Looks like Superman’s fortress of solitude in there, ice everywhere!

Then self-checked-out — and can I just say how much I hate self-check-out anything? I mean, WTF? Machines like that are not a frazzled parent’s friend! — a bunch of books and DVD’s from the L.A. Public library to help celebrate the fact that they are open on Mondays again. Yay! But in my zeal to participate in this very big day for the libraries, I forgot to self-remove the locking mechanism on the side of the DVD boxes, which means, none of them will open. Of course, didn’t discover this till AFTER the library was closed, so, you can imagine how much fun it was to explain to a sobbing Greta why she couldn’t watch “Barbie Presents: Thumbelina” tonight after dinner: “Sorry, kid, Daddy fucked up. But, here, look at the pretty pictures on the box!”

And then, on top of all that, found out that a large chunk of money that I am owed is not only not coming my way anytime soon, but, may, in fact, never be paid in full. Ah, the glamorous life of a Hollywood screenwriter…

If I could punch this fucking Monday in the face, I totally would. You sucked, dude.

Carmageddon…scharmageddon!

OK, so, we just drove the second leg of our trip home from Oregon — a nice little jaunt from my Aunt’s house in Sacramento to our place in L.A. — in the record time of eight hours. You know, give or take a few hour-long stops to let Greta run herself ragged at rest stops and such. But, even with the stops, we made great time…and why is that such a big deal you ask?

One word: Carmageddon! Yep, that’s right, amigos…the Armageddon of traffic jams! See, for the past few months, the news out here was predicting dire things for all of California (and Los Angeles in particular) due to the closure of a three-or-four mile stretch of the 405 freeway in Santa Monica this weekend. The reason? Caltrans was blowing up a bridge or something, but, from the sounds of the news reports, you’d think the world really was about to end.

Seriously, we saw flashing “Carmageddon Warning” signs alongside the freeway the minute we crossed the state line back into California. It was crazy, I mean, here we were almost the entire state away from the freeway closure and they’re telling us to “expect major delays”. Insanity!

Believe it or not, our beloved XM Radio even had a dedicated Carmageddon Radio channel (XM 140) with constant updates on the situation. It was hilarious. But the funniest thing was, there was no situation to report. That’s right, Carmageddon was another big fat Y2K.

I don’t know if it was the fear factor or what, but the freeway and every rest stop, burger joint and gas station all the home were practically deserted. Come to think of it, it was oddly Armageddon-ish, but, you know, not in a bad way.

So, if Carmageddon clears the interstate in peak travel season for our next road trip, I say we make it an annual fucking event. Whoo-hoo…Carmageddon 2012 4eva!