This past weekend, Mrs. Yeti and I decided to embark on a secret weight loss regime that I’m going to call Project X. I know I could cut out the middle man and call it what it really is, but, honestly, I hate it when people blog about weight loss and all that. I know it’s lame, but there’s a kind of “I found it!” zealotry that overtakes people who lose a lot of weight, and having been a big dude most of my adult life, well, I’ve heard more than my share of “I found it!” testimonials over the years.
Nothing against those happy, newly-skinny folks out there — I mean, seriously, good on you for losing the weight! — but when it’s followed by the inevitable head-to-toe body scan that just about screams: “So, when are you gonna find it, fatty?” Well, that’s when I wanna start force-feeding those skinny bitches donuts and shit.
Even worse are the folks who preach the almighty diet on Facebook. Seriously, if I read one more status update about how many miles someone jogged that morning or how many inches they lost at their last weigh-in, well, shit, I might just have to un-friend the bloody lot of them. Grrr…Yeti hate!
Anyway, now that I got all my grumpy-old-fat-man ranting out of the way, I am going to do exactly what I most hate and blog about the ultra top-secret diet that Mrs. Yeti and I are trying out this week. I won’t say too much now, as I am extremely superstitious (not to mention, only halfway through the first day at the time of this writing) but, so far, things have been a little rough.
The morning was OK, and the early-afternoon a little less so, and then came the total witching hour. This happened at around 6-7:00PM-ish, which, due to my crazy writer hours is about halfway through my day. I guess for normal people that would be the post-lunch slump.
Anyway, that period sucked. No, more than sucked. It was fucking brutal and I was a straight-up crazy man. Seriously, I thought I was gonna start seeing visions or something. I couldn’t focus on anything, writing made me hungry, watching TV made me crazy hungry (Taco Bell ads never looked so good!) and preparing food for Greta made me feel like a rabid vampire. I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and instead of just licking my fingers afterwards as I normally would, I stood at the sink salivating over that deliciousness and then quickly washed my hands. Yep, I actually washed peanut butter and jelly off my hands for the first time in my life. Urgh, even writing about it makes me sad. Such a waste…
Things got better after dinner and we had some fun family dance time around the Wii before bedtime, so, that was good too. But, wow, that witching hour break down is kinda haunting me. I mean, that was only day one! Just imagine how insane my hungry-ass will be by the weekend. Oy, it’s gonna be a long week…
7 responses to “Project X”
Ha ha. I hear you with people constantly posting Facebook status updates. It annoys me.
Anyway, good luck with Project-X! Find a long-term way to control your health and fitness, then stick with it. 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement and for checking out my blog, Tlbflowllc! I agree, find something that works and stick with it. I guess I’m still at the looking for what works part. Ha! I’ll keep you posted as Project X progresses! 🙂
Perhaps you could watch “Fear Factor” during the witching hour. Seeing someone eat pig rectum is a good way to kill an appetite.
OMG! Best. Idea. Ever! Thanks, Cathy!
I like “Project X” I hate the D word! I also hate when folks ask what your “goal” is – it’s just to be healthy man! Or maybe for me my goal is to not want to think about sweets. Pretty simple. Love ya, keep the faith!
Yes, I too started a weight management plan when I returned home…it’s called Project DNEADAD (Do Not Eat A Doughnut A Day). So far, I feel much better, my jeans fit again, and plan on NOT suggesting a follow up “Eat A Cupcake A Day” adventure when I visit next time. 🙂
I agree – there are soooo many fads in weight loss and exercise programs, that it really comes down to what works for each person. For me, I will never be interested in going to the gym, but I love me some Wii Fitness and walks by the beach.
Totally cheering for you and Christine and your pursuit of long term health goals. Love you guys!!!
Mmmm…donuts. What I wouldn’t give for a time machine back to that week o’ donut tasting! Now we don’t even mention the “D” word in our house…so sad… 😦