Long live Obamacare!

Wow, just wow. Every once in a while the Supreme Court gets it right and today they got it crazy right. I don’t think Obamacare is perfect, but, it’s a much needed step in the right direction. And as a SAHD whose family of three, in an effort to save money, has three separate health care plans with three separate providers and all the paperwork and bullshit that comes with it, all I can say is…amen, baby. Let’s fix this shit! Long live, Obamacare!

And long live Chief Justice John Roberts for breaking rank with his backwards-thinking cronies for a change. As Joe Biden would say: “This is a big fucking deal!”

Sick Day

Urgh…I dunno if it was all the dance recital craziness last week or the fact that it’s been hotter than hell outside, but I woke up in the middle of the night on Monday in a cold sweat. By morning, I was sweaty and achy all over with a headache that just would not die. Thankfully, no fluids were being expelled from anywhere, but, man, I have never felt more tired, thirsty, and just plain old worn out.

And as I lay there in bed with Greta kicking me to get up, all I could think of was that now I knew what movie stars and musicians talk about when they are hospitalized for “exhaustion” or “dehydration”. I was like: “Wow, that’s a real thing. And all this time I thought Lindsey Lohan was making that shit up!” Nope. It’s real. I’ve been there and, man, does it suck. Especially with a toddler.

Actually, Greta was very supportive. When I told her I was sick, the first thing she did was look at me all concerned-like and say: “You need medicine, Daddy?” I nodded, and then she got really excited and ran out of the room to get some of “Greta’s medicine!” I followed her to the kitchen where she was standing on her stool trying her best to reach the Disney Princess Gummy Vitamins on top of the fridge. It was terribly sweet, but, somehow I knew that chomping on a purple gummy Jasmine was not going to be enough to cure me.

So, I made Greta something to eat, somehow sold her on the idea of having a “picnic day” in daddy and mommy’s bed and popped a movie into her portable DVD player. And, as terrible as that sounds, that was how we got through most of the day. Me drifting in and out of feverish dreams and her sitting on a pillow beside me watching The Princess and the Frog for the sixteenth time. I know, nice parenting. But, seriously, what is a sick SAHD to do?

Luckily, for both of us, there is a Mrs. Yeti, and she came home early from work. And then she took Greta to IKEA for dinner and some play area fun upstairs while daddy slept off his movie star sickness amidst the crumbs and sweat in the picnic bed.

I’m feeling loads better now, but, I did learn three very valuable lessons during my brief stint in fevertown. The first is that two-parent households have it way easier. Honestly, I don’t know how single parents do this job alone. I just don’t. It’s way too hard. So, single parents of the world, consider yourselves saluted! God bless each and every one of you.

The second thing I learned is that kids eat free at IKEA on Tuesdays. Wow, who knew? And finally, the third and possibly most important lesson I learned this week is that picnic day in daddy and mommy’s bed is a horrible idea. Seriously, our bed look like a crime scene and we just did laundry. So, until we venture to the laundomat again, all I can do is close my eyes, plug my nose, and pray that those hideous brown streaks on my pillow are from Nutella.

Greta’s Dance Recital: VIDEO

Actually, this super-cool video premiered a few days ago on Facebook, but, since I am not yet FB friends with everyone reading this right now, I figured I’d best post it here as well. Unlike previous clips I’ve posted, this one is still “unlisted” on YouTube, so, the only way to watch it right now is by clicking the link below. Enjoy!

And thanks again to my brother and his lovely assistant, my sister-in-law/Greta’s Aunt Laura, for their fine videography work. You guys rock!

watch?feature=player_embedded&v=suCPUWTwtp8

Greta’s Dance Recital: The Pics

As I think I mentioned already, we took loads of pictures of Greta before, during, and after her recital yesterday, but, as usual, the best pictures were taken by my brother, Greta’s Uncle Guy-Guy. So, here, for your viewing pleasure are the best of the best of his pictures.

And, yes, until the edited video footage arrives sometime down the road and I post it here with big, sappy tears in my eyes, I promise to stop blogging about Greta’s dance recital. Sorry, but, it was kind of a big deal in these parts. Anyway, enjoy the pics!

Greta’s Dance Recital: The Event

OK, first off, let me tell you that dance recitals are worse than children’s birthday parties on the exhaustion scale. Seriously, Mrs. Yeti and myself felt like we went to war this weekend. Thankfully, Mrs. Yeti is off today (Monday), so she can relax while she, you know, catches up on last week’s laundry and shit. I’ve got a ton of stuff to do too. But, if I could, I would totally sleep all day, not just sleep in, mind you, but, all day long. That’s how tired I am.

That said, the dance recital was incredible. All the dancers were great, everyone showed up on time (even us!) and the show went off without a hitch…until the intermission, when, the announcer said in a very calm voice: “There is no emergency, but, could Cindy Kim’s mother please come to the stage.” I’m not kidding, man, you could actually hear people’s hearts sinking as poor Cindy Kim’s mother hurried backstage. Thank God it wasn’t my kid, I thought.

So, I headed to the bathroom and took my time coming back only to find Mrs. Yeti hurrying down to the backstage entrance in a panic. WTF? Did I miss the non-emergency announcement for Greta Yeti’s parents? Yikes! Stopping at our seats just long enough to grab my backpack full of Greta-sentials, I took off running down the aisle after Mrs. Yeti and found her on the other side of the backstage curtain in a flood of tears.

Mrs. Yeti was holding a sobbing, hysterical Greta while her teacher, Miss Sommer (more about her later) tried in vain to calm her down. Now, I should stop here to say that Greta rarely, if ever, cries that hard. This was like, maybe the third time in her life that she’s been that far gone and with the intermission clock ticking down (her performance wasn’t slated to begin until after the intermission) my heart filled with dread, and as terrible as it is to admit, all I saw were dollar signs. A $150.00 dress she’d never wear onstage, the $25 admission price everyone in our group shelled out to be there, photos, videos…oy, my head was swimming with wasted cash at the thought that she might not take the stage at her first recital. And then there was my second thought (which, most people would say should have been my first) which was, what the hell happened? Why is she so upset?

That answer was easy. Greta was playing and coloring with the other kids backstage and got a little bored, so, she laid down and fell asleep. Yes, she can and does sleep anywhere. It’s a gift and a curse. The problem was, when she woke up in a sea of strangely-costumed-toddlers, puffy foam stickers and coloring books, she didn’t know where she was and she flipped out. Luckily for her, mommy and Miss Sommer were there to save the day.

Sure, I provided provisions from my backpack (“You need a Kleenex? Got it! Cuppy? Right here!”) and did my best to make her laugh, but, those two did the heavy-lifting in the child calming department and what do you know? Greta actually stopped crying and calmed down. Then I jumped in with a little dance parent pressure: “You know, if you don’t dance, your friend Fiona might not know how to do the routine.” Almost instantly, Greta looked up like: “Oh, wow, I can’t do that to my friend. The show must go on!”

And then, to really slam it home, I told her that her beloved Uncle Guy-Guy and Aunt Laura were videotaping the show in the balcony and wanted desperately to see her dance. A professional toddler-whisperer from way back, Miss Sommer put it a bit more eloquently: “Look to the sky when you dance, they’ll be up there watching you, Greta!” And once again, that brave “show-must-go-on” look flickered across Greta’s face as she wiped away her tears and told us she’d stay and dance. Which was great, because, the way Miss Sommer said it, I was ready to get up there and dance in Greta’s place myself.

Anyway, the lobby lights flickering on and off outside, Mrs. Yeti and hurried back to our seats and waited to see if Greta would, in fact, take the stage with her class. And four sets later, she did. And she was beautiful. I told her later on that I thought she was very brave to go up there on stage in front of all those people after she’d been crying and she just shook her head and said: “I’m not brave, Daddy. I’m Greta.”

She most certainly is…

Greta’s Dance Recital: The Dress Rehearsal

NOTE: I actually wrote this post last night, but was so tired when I wrote it that I literally fell asleep at the keyboard. Yep…it’s been that kind of week. Anyway, let’s pretend it’s very late Saturday night and I am posting this before the dance recital that took place Sunday afternoon. Here’s goes nothing…

Today was the dress rehearsal for Greta’s first dance recital and, man, was it insane. Rushing around getting ready this morning, Mrs. Yeti and I were completely unprepared for the flood of mixed emotions that came over us when we saw Greta in her costume and make-up — she wore hot pink lip pencil and a smidge of blush on her cheeks, nothing too kinder-whorish — for the first time. Mrs. Yeti actually called out to me from the next room: “Oh my God, I am a dance mom…and I’m crying!” I could not have put it any better. I know it was only a tiny bit of stage makeup, but, man, I felt like one of those crazy pageant parents: “Now, you shine real purty for them folks out there, ya hear! I said shine, dammit! Shine!” So crazy…

Anyway, the rehearsal went really well — a couple of the girls in Greta’s class didn’t follow the hair and dress-code, but, nothing major — and we were outta there in just a little over an hour. Which is good, because Greta was wearing panties, not diapers, and, well, you can just imagine what might have happened had she had an accident in her black velvet show dress the day before the show. “No Go-Go Juice for you, Greta! Now wash that paint off your face and git to bed!”

Unfortunately, my pictures and video of the dress rehearsal were pretty lame, so, instead of posting them here, I’ll show you the footage I shot earlier in the week during class. You don’t get to see the snazzy costumes yet, but, the dance moves should be enough to tide you over for a while.

And for everyone who set aside their busy lives (and a whopping $25 admission fee!) to come to the show, thank you in advance for coming. It means the world to Greta to have you all here. And to those of you who can’t be here, here’s hoping this video gives you a little taste of the magic set to unfold Sunday afternoon at 2:00PM. Enjoy!

Daddy’s Night Out

When a buddy of mine from my SAHD Meetup group — not the group that dumped me, but, the other one — suggested that myself and another Dad in our group get together for a Daddy’s Night Out to see Prometheus, well, I kinda lept at the offer. I mean, a night out without Greta was rare enough, but, a night out without Mrs. Yeti too? Wow! Nothing at all against the lovely ladies in my life, but, seriously, I can’t remember the last time I went out without either of them.

Anyway, the big night came, we ordered all kinds of awesomely bad-for-you movie food — I’m sorry, but, even the creator of Project X knows that sometimes a man has to eat buttered popcorn and soda for dinner, dammit! — and spent the next two-and-a-half hours geeking out over the exploits of the poor, doomed crew of the Prometheus.

I don’t wanna give anything away, but, as another Dad I know wisely opined on Facebook: “I guess if you name your spaceship after a titan whom the gods condemned to have his liver eaten every day for all eternity, things are not going to end well.” Damn straight, amigo. But, oh, what a wonderful time we had watching everything go to hell onscreen. I’m not kidding, the movie ROCKED! I haven’t been that vocal in a theatre since Mrs. Yeti and I moonwalked in the aisles with a sleeping Greta at the Mommy & Me screening of This Is It. It was awesome!

And the post-screening nerdfest was even better. We actually sat at a table at a shuttered restaurant and talked about the movie and it’s place in the Alien universe for over an hour. Yep, we’re nerds. And when we finally thought we’d solved all the deep, underlying mysteries of the film, guess what we started talking about next? Our kids. Urgh…we’re such saps.

But, the inevitable baby banter aside, our first official Daddy’s Night Out was a rousing success. Can’t wait to do it again in a few weeks with the new Batman!

Happy Father’s Day…from Huggies!

As my own time in diaper-land winds down — yes, save for a few spectacular peeing episodes in the living room, Greta is almost fully potty-trained at this point. Hooray! — I thought it was kind of ironic that one of the best Father’s Day tributes I found online came courtesy of Huggies. That’s right, even Huggies knows that modern Dad’s do their fare share of the child rearing these days and their super-cool photo collage really says it all.

I know I shouldn’t get all teary-eyed over a diaper ad, but, honestly, even before Greta came along, I was a sucker for baby with daddy pictures. And now that she’s here, well, forget about it, I cry about everything to do with kids. Seriously, I’m about as sappy as they come. Urgh…

Anyway, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Whether you stay at home or work your butt off to make up for it on nights and weekends…we are all in this together. Saludos, amigos!

Sorry for double blogging the same story, but, this was too cool not to share with you guys here, too. Enjoy!

make. see. eat. do.

I know it’s a little late in the day to bring this up, but, did anyone notice that cool-ass Google Doodle that’s been up all day today? And if you noticed it, did you take the time to actually click on it too?

Well, just in case you missed it, here again for your viewing pleasure is Google’s salute to the 79th birthday of the drive-in theatre! Wow…who knew they had drive-ins in the 1930’s? Crazy, huh?

Anyway, enjoy the clip below and if you happen to be lucky enough to live near a drive-in, I command you to head over there and get your outdoor movie theatre on! I grew up near the late, great Skyview drive-in in Santa Cruz and have many tales to tell of my adventures there, none of them suitable for a family blog, but all of them as vivid and wonderful as…

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The Magic Drawer

I don’t know if it’s Project X — yes, my fat ass is still trying to stay faithful to the diet that never ends! — or the change in the weather or whatever, but, lately, I’ve been feeling strangely hopeful and upbeat about all kinds of shit that used to totally bum me out.

I still don’t have a steady job — however, the two amazingly-cool freelance gigs I scored have helped — I’m like, dozens of pounds away from my ideal weight, and I just sent a check for $415.00 (plus almost $45.00 more for traffic school) to the courthouse in San Diego for a speeding ticket I got at Easter. So, not exactly a banner month in these parts, but, for some reason, I’m totally 100% cool with it. Actually, the online traffic school really, really sucked and took for-freaking-ever! But, other than that, I’m oddly cool with the hand I’ve been dealt of late.

And better yet, I’m also strangely inspired by it. I don’t wanna get all writerly on you, but, we wordsmiths (oops, there I go!) can have some long-ass dry spells. But not lately, man. For the past week or so, I’ve been almost insanely inspired to write. I feel all giddy again like I did when I first started writing scripts. It’s crazy!

Lawrence Kasdan once said that every writer has a giant locked drawer in their heads, and that everything they ever wanted to write and share with the world or just create for themselves was in that drawer in its completed form. And every once in a while, if you were lucky, you’d get to actually open that drawer and peek inside. And when that happened, well, you’d better have a pen handy and you’d better write fast, because you never know when that drawer could close back up on you. In other words, if your magic drawer is open, you best get writing. So, that’s what I’ve been doing.

Oh, I’m also kind of obsessed with movies about writers lately too. I finally watched my new Criterion Collection DVD of Jules et Jim last week and it was gorgeous, even on standard DVD! I’m sorry, but, could that cast and soundtrack be any more gorgeous? Wow! I’m also about halfway through my second viewing of Young Adult, and I’m finding that I love it even more than I did when I first saw it, so, suck it haters! Speaking of haters, next up is my other favorite crazy writer movie, the classic, love-it-or-hate-it Wonder Boys. I can’t wait!

Anyway, I don’t know what caused my magic drawer to open (and stay open!) but, it’s been kinda awesome. And, on top of all that coolness, my cargo shorts are falling off my ass way more than they usually do — seriously, I had to actually tighten my belt the other day! — so, I guess I’m still losing weight too. Which is all great and wonderful, but, now that I’ve written all this shit down, I think I need to go knock on some serious wood before the universe’s checks and balance department turns on me again. So, see ya next time!