Girls, girls, girls

Every once in a while, I stop and take a look at my life and realize that, with a few notable exceptions, my world is full of women. I have two moms — wait, that sounds wrong, not two moms in a lesbian couple kinda way, but, you know, my mom and my stepmom — a bunch of female friends and family and I live with two women…or, um, one woman and one toddler who just thinks and acts like she’s a grown-ass woman. Hell, even our cat is a girl.

Any way you look at it, I will always be outnumbered. And usually, that’s cool. I mean, I love women, girls, toddlers, whatever. In fact, I usually get along better with women than men. And anyone who knows me can tell you that I am definitely not Joe Macho Man, but, every so often, I do tend to feel a bit ganged up on.

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, poor, Yeti. Ganged up on by a bunch of girls!” And I know it sounds stupid, but, sometimes I really wanna just, you know, take a piss in the forest or catch a fish with my bare hands and shit. OK, I don’t really wanna catch a fish with my bare hands, and, truth be told, I pee outside a lot. But, the point I’m trying to make here is that every once in a while, it would be great if all the ladies in my life (that includes you, Greta!) took a moment to appreciate me for all the good things I do and not harp on the bad. You know?

I’m not asking for a party or a parade or anything, but, just the chance to be who I am without anyone commenting on it. Hell, even just a big old bear hug and a smile would do. For instance, Greta told me the other day that I was the “Sweetest Dad she knew.” and then she hugged me really hard and that shit made my day. Of course, she changed her tune pretty quick when I told her she couldn’t eat her dinner in front of her little TV. But, for that moment, I was golden and it felt awesome.

So, ladies, if I seem grouchy or moody or out of sorts sometimes, it’s not because I don’t love you or appreciate all the good that you do (because I totally do!), I’m probably just feeling a wee bit outnumbered. So, you know, give a brother a break once in a while. I might love all kinds of truly girlie shit, but, deep down, I am not one of you. And if I wanna be my messy, sweaty, sleep-deprived self sometimes…let me. And if I ask for space to go duck hunting or whatever, well, let me do that too.

OK. That’s all I got. Thanks for listening and see ya at the next Barbie tea party in Greta’s room. Oh, and, for the record, the only thing I really hunt for are bargains. But, that still counts! So, Grrrr…leave me alone, I’m tracking some reasonably-priced Blu-Rays at Costco!

New Google Chrome Ad : “Jess Time”

Longtime readers are already well aware of my deep, abiding love for a really well-made ad that packs an emotional punch. They also know that I’m a huge fan of the work Google has done in this arena for years. But, when you toss a father/daughter element into the mix, well, forget about it…

Don’t know if you’ve caught it yet, but, the new spot for Google Chrome is absolutely beautiful. Wow, I’ve already watched it a bunch of times and my sappy ass weeps like a baby every time I do. Really touching stuff, even if you’re not a post-op, emotional wreck of a stay-at-home-dad who likes to cry at computer commercials.

As I’ve pointed out before, there have been loads of new Dad-centric advertising coming down the pike this year, but, this one takes the lead by a country mile. All hail, Google Chrome!

Routine Surgery

So, I had umbilical hernia surgery last week. I won’t go into the grisly details, because, well, it’s really gross and I just don’t have the stomach for it (pun intended). But, rest assured that it was a fairly simple in-and-out surgery.

I checked into the hospital at 6:00AM and was home by 1:30 or 2:00PM. Easy peasy. Except for the part where I thought I might die or stroke out on the operating table. Don’t laugh, stranger things have happened during so-called “routine surgeries,” and the things they asked me before surgery made it a million times worse. “Do you have a religious preference?” Huh? For what? My last rites?! Oh, man, I was totally wigging. You name an ailment and I was convinced I would not only catch it, but die from it, last week while at the hospital. Crazy!

Needless to say, I am safe and sound now at home. I’m feeling much better, but, the pain meds are still totally tripping me out. I keep dreaming about Asian chicks, not in a creepy sexual way or anything, but, they’re just there, like, in every dream. Lucy Liu has been a regular this past week, and Michelle Yeoh has dropped by, as has my sister-in-law, Laura. Actually, Laura makes sense at least, since she practically moved in with us, after I got home from the hospital, to take care of Greta. Thanks again for that, Laura, you rock!

The best Laura story was the first day after the surgery, she came over before I even woke up and let herself in. Greta woke up and started pestering me for food or water or something (I know, the nerve of that kid!) and as I was coming out of a druggy fog to respond, I heard this angelic little voice calling out to us both from the living room. “Greta, I’m here. What do you need, sweetie?”

Perking up at the sound of Aunt Laura’s voice, Greta ditched me so fast my head spun. It was hilarious. But, it was also really wonderful to be able to fall back into a deep sleep and know that Greta wasn’t juggling knifes or something in the kitchen. Whew. Thanks again, Laura.

Anyway, another thing I noticed during the last few days is that my surgery really freaked Greta out. She hasn’t said anything about it directly, but, her demeanor has been strange all week. She’s been very moody and temperamental and has been very curious about what happened to me when I “was gone” — Mrs. Yeti and I had to be at the hospital so early on surgery day that we had Laura spend the night and wake up with Greta after we’d left — and she’s even asked me when I’m leaving again. I have assured Greta that I’m not going anywhere, and she was pre-warned several times that we would not be there when she woke up on surgery day, but, something tells me she’s still a little skeptical about the whole thing. It’s weird.

We’re doing our best to show her how much better I’m feeling and that I’m on the mend, and Greta is very excited to go with me to the doctor on Monday to remove my bandages (urgh, at least one of us is!). So, hopefully that will bring the whole thing full circle for her. And I’m sure she’ll also mellow out a bit when things finally get back to normal around here.

I mean, in her defense, Greta’s little toddler world has been pretty hectic since we got back from NYC. We’ve had lots of people visiting, lots of indoor time while the sun scorched the earth outside, — BTW, kiss my ass non-believers, global warming is real as shit, deal with it! — both Mrs. Yeti and have been working like fiends, and then this big old belly surgery pops up (again, pun totally intended). Anyway you look at it, things just haven’t been normal in Gretaland in a while.

And the way this next week is shaping up, that trend should continue until about midweek, when, hopefully, things will get back on track for everyone.

Until then, I guess the Barbies and stuffed animals in our house had better prepare for a whole new wave of belly button surgeries performed by the ill-tempered Dr. Greta. Oh joy…

Quote of the day: Morgan Spurlock

We’ve been Morgan Spurlock fans for years and he is the king of great quotes. But, while discussing manhood today on The Jeff Probst Show — which is awesome, by the way! — Spurlock said something that made me wanna stand up and cheer, especially since he was talking about stay-at-home-dads at the time!

Anyway, this is what Spurlock said in response to someone’s suggestion that staying at home with the kids was women’s work that somehow made a man less-manly:

“There is nothing more manly than being a good father”

Amen, brother!

Since you went away…

Urgh…sorry for being away for so long, but, the deadline at my job got in the way. Yep, that’s right, the Yeti has a freelance gig and it’s looking like it might turn into something kinda steady, so, I might not be blogging as much as I normally do. But, rest assured, I still got lots of great stories to tell here too. I mean, hell, I haven’t even started telling you about our adventures in NYC last month.

Well, I guess I started…but, trust me, the flight there was nothing compared to some of the epic toddler blow-outs we had in the city. Wow, every year we travel it’s like we’re vacationing with a new kid. I guess we kinda are, but, man, what a difference a year makes…for better and for worse!

Anyway, will get to all that good stuff in the next few posts. But, for now, I wanted to share one of my favorite quotes from the DNC in Charlotte last week. It’s something Joe Biden said about the importance of jobs. And seeing as everyone I know is having some job drama right now…some are losing them, some can’t find them and many of us are between them…I thought what he said was really powerful. So, here goes:

“A job is about a lot more than a paycheck. It’s about your dignity. It’s about respect. It’s about your place in the community. It’s about being able to look your children in the eye and say: ‘Honey, it’s going to be OK.’ and mean it, and know it’s true.”

Damn straight, brother! Wow, I just loved that. But, hey, I kinda dug that creepy Clint Eastwood and his empty chair bit at the RNC too, so, I guess I’m a sucker for political theater.

Either way, it’s good to be back, I missed you guys…