Getting back up…

I’m probably totally mangling the quote, but, someone once said something along the lines of: “It’s not how we fall that defines us, but, what we do after we get back up.” Whatever the exact wording is, that has been my mantra this week as I try to get back on track with Project X.

Yes, it’s true, I fell off the wagon last week. Big time. Truth be told, I’ve kind of had one foot off the wagon for a couple of weeks now. That’s not to say I wasn’t still trying to lose weight and eat healthier, I just wasn’t as focused as I’d been before. I’m not blaming Greta, but, man, she has been keeping me busy lately, and, unfortunately, when Daddy gets busy, cooking at home is the first thing to go out the window. I just don’t have the energy.

Luckily, my 25-year high school reunion is coming up in two weeks, and lord knows, nothing motivates a fat ass like having to see a bunch of old friends that knew you before you were a fat ass. Urgh, I know it’s stupid, but, seeing people I haven’t hung out with since my 10-year reunion, and probably won’t see again till my 30th, has been my driving motivation to drop a few pounds.

So, starting Monday, I was back on Project X full time. No bread, no carbs, no chips, not even a nibble on the leftover crust from Greta’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich today. I licked the shit out of the knife, but, I didn’t eat the crust, so, hooray for me. Seriously, I’ve been very good and it’s kinda driving me insane. Of course, the last time I felt this crazy I ended up losing some serious weight, so, hey, whatever works…

Daddy’s Night Out

When a buddy of mine from my SAHD Meetup group — not the group that dumped me, but, the other one — suggested that myself and another Dad in our group get together for a Daddy’s Night Out to see Prometheus, well, I kinda lept at the offer. I mean, a night out without Greta was rare enough, but, a night out without Mrs. Yeti too? Wow! Nothing at all against the lovely ladies in my life, but, seriously, I can’t remember the last time I went out without either of them.

Anyway, the big night came, we ordered all kinds of awesomely bad-for-you movie food — I’m sorry, but, even the creator of Project X knows that sometimes a man has to eat buttered popcorn and soda for dinner, dammit! — and spent the next two-and-a-half hours geeking out over the exploits of the poor, doomed crew of the Prometheus.

I don’t wanna give anything away, but, as another Dad I know wisely opined on Facebook: “I guess if you name your spaceship after a titan whom the gods condemned to have his liver eaten every day for all eternity, things are not going to end well.” Damn straight, amigo. But, oh, what a wonderful time we had watching everything go to hell onscreen. I’m not kidding, the movie ROCKED! I haven’t been that vocal in a theatre since Mrs. Yeti and I moonwalked in the aisles with a sleeping Greta at the Mommy & Me screening of This Is It. It was awesome!

And the post-screening nerdfest was even better. We actually sat at a table at a shuttered restaurant and talked about the movie and it’s place in the Alien universe for over an hour. Yep, we’re nerds. And when we finally thought we’d solved all the deep, underlying mysteries of the film, guess what we started talking about next? Our kids. Urgh…we’re such saps.

But, the inevitable baby banter aside, our first official Daddy’s Night Out was a rousing success. Can’t wait to do it again in a few weeks with the new Batman!

Putting the “die” in diet…

Yikes, this week flew by. Where were we? Oh yeah, when last we talked, Mrs. Yeti and I were suffering through some major DT’s and drinking lots of hot liquids. Fun! Well, as much I’d like to say that Project X got better last week, it actually got ten times harder…for me, at least. Sorry, I guess I just got sick of eating the same shit all the time…

Oh yeah, and we did cheat a little too. Last Friday night Mrs. Yeti and I had a very rare date night out and went to see a pre-release screening of Dark Shadows followed by a Q&A with the screenwriter. The movie was cool and the discussion afterwards was even better, but, the fact that that was our first night out sans-Greta since January, well, that’s just plain crazy. Wow.

Anyway, being out alone made us totally hungry and we decided that since it was a date night we could eat whatever the hell we wanted. So, we cheated and went to In-N-Out burgers for what I have to say was one of the most spectacular fast food experiences of my life. Seriously, I wanted to stay in that moment forever…it was amazing.

And surprisingly, neither of us felt like hell the next day, so, we just jumped right back onto the Project X bandwagon and kept on trucking. And except for devouring a piece of fried chicken that my brother (our designated babysitter that night) had left behind in our fridge, I was pretty good. Actually, devour is a nice word for what I did to that deep-fried chicken tit. Yikes…I was not myself, amigos.

Anyway, after the fast food blowout and the poor, defiled chicken breast, I was really good for the rest of the weekend. So good, in fact, that when I hauled my fat ass to the cow scale at the laundry mat to weigh myself, I had actually lost a whopping 8.5 pounds! In seven days! Insanity! Seriously, I haven’t lost that much weight in years.

So, you’d think that would make the following week even easier to navigate, but, you’d be wrong. Last week sucked. It was long, I didn’t get nearly enough sleep, and pretty much every lame thing you can think of came to pass. Urgh…I felt like there was a little cartoon raincloud over my head all week, pouring down on me while the rest of the world was all happy and shiny and shit. It was no fun. And, honestly, it made Project X almost unbearable.

But, despite it all, we both stuck with it. Mrs Yeti lost a few mores pounds and I think is holding steady at six pounds lost so far, which is great! and I will find out how much more weight I lost (or, more likely, didn’t lose) tomorrow when I hit the cow scale again. Wish me luck!

Happy “Star Wars” Day!

Not much new to report on Project X, still hangry as all hell during the witching hour — I’ve been blasting Adele’s “Set Fire To The Rain” when I’m really jonesing for something deep-fried and it totally helps! — but, I juggled my meal times around to fit my schedule and everything seems to work a whole lot better. Or maybe I’m just getting used to this crazy diet…either way, Thursday was good.

That said, Mrs. Yeti did go into severe chocolate withdrawal last night (no foaming at the mouth, or fainting spells, but pretty damn close) and I did break down and eat one of Greta’s apple wedges after dinner. Project X is very strict on the no fruit after a certain time thing, so, that was kind of a big deal, but, hey, I’ve gorged myself with much worse things than a fucking apple wedge after dinner, so, I think I’m still good.

Anyway, enough of the food talk, the main reason I’m up at this hour is to wish you all a happy Star Wars Day! I’m not sure what Greta and I will do to celebrate this year, but, we do have a play-date scheduled with a couple of her friends, so, I’m thinking I might have to pack a few extra lightsabers!

Oh, and speaking of lightsabers, I found some old pictures of Greta celebrating “Star Wars” as an infant, so, I’m including those here as well. As you can see, we kinda forced her into celebrating at that age, but, even then, she was totally game! So, enjoy the pics, and whatever you do to celebrate “Star Wars” today, have fun, and, may the 4th be with you…always.

Slogging through it…

Surprisingly, the last two days on Project X haven’t been nearly as bad as the first. Actually, I don’t know why I was surprised, because everyone I know who has done this diet swears that it gets easier to, pun intended, stomach, as time goes by. But, like I said last time, I don’t trust the wisdom of the newly-skinny — I can’t prove anything yet, but, I seriously think losing a pant size or two in a short period of time changes the wiring in your brain! — so, I was prepared to suffer.

However, aside from a truly terrible bought of bread and donut/sugar withdrawal on Tuesday afternoon — I actually sniffed Greta’s popsicle before giving it to her, and lemme tell ya, that frozen lime smelled like heaven! — and a very sluggish morning on Wednesday, things were OK. You know, as OK as they can be in a world without ice cream.

Actually, ice cream isn’t even on the list of things I’ve been craving. Mostly, I think I just crave the freedom to grab a bite of whatever amazingly-tasty kid food it is that Greta is eating at the moment. But, hey, I’m in this for the long haul, or until I go crazy and gnaw my own arm off, so, I will abstain from fruit leathers and Peeps for the moment.

Oh yeah, I also make a pretty amazing berry smoothie this morning with yogurt and agave nectar. Yes, I said agave nectar with a straight face. So, I guess it’s official now, this diet is turning me into even more of a girl…

Project X

This past weekend, Mrs. Yeti and I decided to embark on a secret weight loss regime that I’m going to call Project X. I know I could cut out the middle man and call it what it really is, but, honestly, I hate it when people blog about weight loss and all that. I know it’s lame, but there’s a kind of “I found it!” zealotry that overtakes people who lose a lot of weight, and having been a big dude most of my adult life, well, I’ve heard more than my share of “I found it!” testimonials over the years.

Nothing against those happy, newly-skinny folks out there — I mean, seriously, good on you for losing the weight! — but when it’s followed by the inevitable head-to-toe body scan that just about screams: “So, when are you gonna find it, fatty?” Well, that’s when I wanna start force-feeding those skinny bitches donuts and shit.

Even worse are the folks who preach the almighty diet on Facebook. Seriously, if I read one more status update about how many miles someone jogged that morning or how many inches they lost at their last weigh-in, well, shit, I might just have to un-friend the bloody lot of them. Grrr…Yeti hate!

Anyway, now that I got all my grumpy-old-fat-man ranting out of the way, I am going to do exactly what I most hate and blog about the ultra top-secret diet that Mrs. Yeti and I are trying out this week. I won’t say too much now, as I am extremely superstitious (not to mention, only halfway through the first day at the time of this writing) but, so far, things have been a little rough.

The morning was OK, and the early-afternoon a little less so, and then came the total witching hour. This happened at around 6-7:00PM-ish, which, due to my crazy writer hours is about halfway through my day. I guess for normal people that would be the post-lunch slump.

Anyway, that period sucked. No, more than sucked. It was fucking brutal and I was a straight-up crazy man. Seriously, I thought I was gonna start seeing visions or something. I couldn’t focus on anything, writing made me hungry, watching TV made me crazy hungry (Taco Bell ads never looked so good!) and preparing food for Greta made me feel like a rabid vampire. I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and instead of just licking my fingers afterwards as I normally would, I stood at the sink salivating over that deliciousness and then quickly washed my hands. Yep, I actually washed peanut butter and jelly off my hands for the first time in my life. Urgh, even writing about it makes me sad. Such a waste…

Things got better after dinner and we had some fun family dance time around the Wii before bedtime, so, that was good too. But, wow, that witching hour break down is kinda haunting me. I mean, that was only day one! Just imagine how insane my hungry-ass will be by the weekend. Oy, it’s gonna be a long week…