The last day of school…

Thursday is Greta’s last official day of Parks & Rec. pre-school and I gotta admit, I’m kind of dreading it. And not just because we have to cook a lasagne for the last day potluck, which means Mrs. Yeti and I will be popping a homemade (or more likely frozen) lasagne in the over at like, 8:00AM, so it’s ready in time. The real reason I’m dreading it is because, well, I’ve grown kinda used to the routine of it all over the past eight weeks.

Honestly, it’s been kinda nice having Greta go to “school” (call it anything other than that at your own peril, she is obsessed with the idea of going to school because that’s “what big kids do”) twice a week. I know three hours of truly alone, alone time every week doesn’t sound like much, but, trust me, it’s been amazing. I made a deal with myself early on that I wouldn’t do anything to do with cleaning or cooking during my sacred hour and a half every Tuesday and Thursday. It was my time to work on whatever I wanted (or needed!) to work on or even just sip my coffee and catch up on “my stories” on Tivo. And, man alive, who knew you could get so much shit done in an hour and a half without a toddler tugging at you the whole time. Wow, if this is a sample of what her being in real school is like, sign my ass up! Just kidding. Kind of.

Anyway, speaking of school, another cool thing about Greta’s preschool is that she’s met loads of new friends, several of whom will be going to the same school as she does when she starts Kindergarten next year. And the best thing about that is that aside from liking all of her new friends (except for that one creepy, greasy-haired boy, he knows who he is) I genuinely enjoy the company of their moms as well.

And though I’ll miss my free time, the thing I’ll probably miss even more are the good times I had hanging with the other moms. And, just so you know, I’m using the term “moms” here like hipster thespians use the word “actor” to describe both male and female actors. As in: “Yeti9000’s well stocked snack bag was the envy of the other moms at the park.” Which it often is, by the way. Anyway, immediately following “school”, myself and the other moms would hang out for an hour or so and chat while the kids wore themselves out on the playground. We didn’t always agree on everything and as a rule they tended much more towards the “helicopter parent” school of thought than I do. Except for the “stripper mom” who arrived late every morning in her vintage muscle car with her blonde hair tousled just so. She was always very chill, but, that’s probably because she was tired from working all night. I’m just saying…

And even though there was some spirited parental judgement tossed around initially — some of the moms still comment on some of the stuff we let Greta watch on TV — I can’t say that I didn’t judge back (see above comments re: “stripper mom”), so, it was all good and, overall, this new group of compadres in the parenting wars was a pretty fun bunch.

Several of the Moms were Indian too, so, aside from talking about Indian food all the time, one Mom actually brought some for us all to share one day! Which was awesome! But mostly we just talked about our kids. Because of the age requirement for “school”, all of our kids were pretty much the same age, and almost all of them were girls, so, we had a lot in common.

So, until next fall when the cheapie Parks & Rec. pre-school classes start back up again in earnest…farewell, mis amigas. May the summer be good to you and may you find other bearded fat dudes to chat with in the park while your children play. Oh, and in case you were wondering how Greta’s dealing with the end of “school”, she’s totally cool with it. I asked her today if she was sad that she only had one more day of school and she said: “No, because that mean swimming class is starting!” Ha! I wish I shared her enthusiasm. If you remember, last year’s batch of swim moms sucked ass. Meanest women on the planet.

Luckily we’re at a new pool this year, so, hopefully that means a whole new crop of cool moms (and maybe even dads!) and kids to hang out with. Who knows, maybe stripper mom will be there too!

First Friends…

Two years ago, probably around this time of year even, I met a dude who really helped me get out of a very dark place. Greta was just entering the terrible twos, Mrs. Yeti was desperately trying to get the hang of the delicate work/kid balancing act that has since become her life and I was literally drowning in my newfound role of primary care giver. And though I never did anything really crazy to myself or Greta (thank God!) there were days when I felt like Luke Skywalker facing the darkness of his soul in a hollowed out tree on Degobah. All kidding aside, it got pretty hairy.

I loved Greta with all my heart (and still do, of course) but, there were days when I’d sit and stare at the calendar and think: this is it. What you are doing today is the same thing you’re going to be doing tomorrow and every other day after that until you kid goes to school. Dishes. Diapers. Bottles. Repeat. I felt like I was on a punishing loop with no end in sight.

I tried talking to people about how I felt (family and friends mostly) and I think a few of them actually understood what I was trying to say. But, even with them I held things back for fear of sounding too whiny or ungrateful. I mean, we had tried for five years to have Greta, how could I even think of complaining about anything now that she was here? Plus, at that stage all most people really want are current pictures and cute little anecdotes about which milestones Greta had reached that week. Which is totally understandable. I mean, I love sharing that stuff too. But, deep down, all I really wanted to talk about was how totally crazy and isolated I felt for like, 90% of my day.

I tried talking about it with Mrs. Yeti many times, but, as I’ve said before, she was on the same sinking ship that I was. Except she got much less sleep and had to work a full time job on top of everything else. Probably the best thing Mrs. Yeti ever did for me was to tell me, point blank that she did not have time for my problems. And while it stung at first, I totally got it. I didn’t have time for hers either. It’s like that thing they always say in airline safety videos, put on your own oxygen mask first, then help the person next to you. I know now that she was way too busy fumbling with her mask back then to even think about helping me with mine.

That said, Mrs. Yeti did say something else that ended up really helping me out a lot. “If its really that bad, start a blog. Write about it.” She said. “Or better yet, join a Daddy Meetup group or something.” I ended up doing all three but the thing that really saved me from my crazy-ass self was joining that Daddy Meetup group. As I’ve mentioned before, I had a hard time finding the right fit (yes, I’m talking to you, Burbank/Hollywood Dads!) but once I did, it was awesome.

I joined a group called the West L.A. Stay-At-Home-Dads and even though the Meetups were clear on the other side of town, the guys in the group were the most real, down-to-earth dudes I’ve ever met. There was no bullshit, no egos or Hollywood posturing, these guys were regular working dudes (animators, musicians, stuntmen, graphic artists, even fellow writers) who’d been banging around the industry for a while and were now tackling the hardest job of their careers, being a full time stay-at-home-dad. And even though we rarely talked about anything other than movies or Star Wars — or, more recently, the intricacies and hidden messages embedded in My Little Pony cartoons — the fact that we could all find some time every couple of weeks to hang out with people who truly understood what we were going through was invaluable. Hell, two years later, it still is.

Actually, the meetups today are even better because our kids grew up together, they’ve been friends for almost their entire lives. And the friendships the dads have formed over the past two years are stronger too. We might not have known each other for our whole lives, but, definitely our whole lives as parents, which, often times feels like a lifetime in itself. And though none of us ever really verbalized it, deep down we were all eternally grateful to our “founding father” Corey for starting the group. Most of us were way too busy treading water to even think about stating a Meetup group, but Corey wanted to start “the kind of group he’d want to join” so he built it, and, as the saying goes, we came. In droves!

So it was with a heavy heart that the group said goodbye to Corey and his beautiful daughter Katana on Monday. Corey and his family are moving to the Philippines in a couple of weeks, and though we’re all hoping they come back to L.A. real soon, I’m thinking it might be a while before we share a lazy afternoon chasing after our daughters in our favorite park in Westwood again.

So, thank you, dude. You really did save my life and I will always cherish the many hours and days we spent hanging out in parks all across the Southland with our sweet baby girls (who now insist on calling themselves “big girls”). Katana was and always will be Greta’s first best friend and, despite the miles and timezones between us, you, amigo, will always be mine. Keep on adventuring, brother!

And in case anybody reading this is looking for a stay-at-home-dad group to hang with in the L.A. Metro area, Corey asked me to be in charge of the group now that he’s leaving (here’s hoping I don’t destroy all the good that he’s done!) and you can reach us at our new Facebook Group page here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/WestLAstayathomedads/

So, if you’re interested in joining or know someone who might be, check it out! And thanks again to Corey for starting all this awesomeness…you will be missed, dude.