Sleeping Standing Up

Hello again, blog friends. Sorry for being away for so long. This time I have a great excuse, I was working my butt off! So much so that I actually fell asleep standing up one day. Yep, like a horse. Except horses usually stay standing. I, on the other hand fell like a ton o’ bricks and hit the back of my head on a cheapie IKEA desk we have in our hallway. I survived the fall with a trip to the emergency room and a couple of staples to the back of my head…the desk, however, was not so lucky and had to be trashed.

And though I fell in front of Greta the first thing she said when she ran over to check on me was not “Oh, my God, Daddy! You’re head is bleeding!” or “Are you alright?”. Nope, the first thing she said was: “Wow! Look at that desk!” Actually, it was quite a site. Black particle board pieces and books scattered all over the hallway. Me sitting on the ground with blood all over my hand and a dazed look on my face, and Greta just staring at that broken desk.

Anyway, the bleeding stopped almost immediately, but, wow, there’s a lot of blood in the back of your head! Who knew? So, I called a 24-hour nurse hotline that we have on our insurance and talked to a lovely certified nurse named Susan. After asking me a bunch of really gross questions (“Is there a yellowish-red discharge oozing from your ears?”, “Are your pupils the same size?”, etc.) she told me I was probably fine but that I should head to the emergency room just to be sure.

Luckily, Mrs. Yeti was able to ditch out of work and hurry home to drive us (for some reason Susan thought a man who just fell asleep standing up and was bleeding from the head might not be the best driver, crazy, huh?) to the ER. Where we waited and waited and waited until they finally pulled me behind a curtain, stapled up my cut and send me packing. Good times.

Oh, did I mention that having staples put in your head hurts like hell?! Well, it does and let me tell ya, I owed Greta’s bad word jar a hefty chunk of change when we got home. I’m sure the truly sick and injured people in the ER loved hearing me swear up a storm too. Sorry, sickies, but that shit hurt!

The good news is I’ve been trying to get more sleep on a regular basis, and, believe it or not, I do actually feel more rested. Funny how that works, huh? Anyway, this whole getting enough sleep thing is still an ongoing project — changing your up-all-night writerly ways at my age ain’t easy, folks! — but, it has been working out nicely so far. We’ll see how easy it is to stick to when I have a bunch of deadline at the end of the month…

So, that’s what I’ve been up to. I also traveled to Hamburg, Germany for work (which was crazy fun) and churned out a record number of stories for work, I wrote two features for APEX magazine, two mini-features for a new magazine I’m working on, and a handful of stories for the APEX Editor’s Blog. Sadly, that left little time for blogging or, obviously, sleeping. But, it did feel awesome to be writing so much about stuff that I’ve really come to love. So, that more than makes up for it. That said, I do promise to be a better sleeper and blogger going forward, so, stick around.

Oh, and if anyone has an old desk they can spare, we’re on the market for one, so, let me know! 🙂

Sick Day

Urgh…I dunno if it was all the dance recital craziness last week or the fact that it’s been hotter than hell outside, but I woke up in the middle of the night on Monday in a cold sweat. By morning, I was sweaty and achy all over with a headache that just would not die. Thankfully, no fluids were being expelled from anywhere, but, man, I have never felt more tired, thirsty, and just plain old worn out.

And as I lay there in bed with Greta kicking me to get up, all I could think of was that now I knew what movie stars and musicians talk about when they are hospitalized for “exhaustion” or “dehydration”. I was like: “Wow, that’s a real thing. And all this time I thought Lindsey Lohan was making that shit up!” Nope. It’s real. I’ve been there and, man, does it suck. Especially with a toddler.

Actually, Greta was very supportive. When I told her I was sick, the first thing she did was look at me all concerned-like and say: “You need medicine, Daddy?” I nodded, and then she got really excited and ran out of the room to get some of “Greta’s medicine!” I followed her to the kitchen where she was standing on her stool trying her best to reach the Disney Princess Gummy Vitamins on top of the fridge. It was terribly sweet, but, somehow I knew that chomping on a purple gummy Jasmine was not going to be enough to cure me.

So, I made Greta something to eat, somehow sold her on the idea of having a “picnic day” in daddy and mommy’s bed and popped a movie into her portable DVD player. And, as terrible as that sounds, that was how we got through most of the day. Me drifting in and out of feverish dreams and her sitting on a pillow beside me watching The Princess and the Frog for the sixteenth time. I know, nice parenting. But, seriously, what is a sick SAHD to do?

Luckily, for both of us, there is a Mrs. Yeti, and she came home early from work. And then she took Greta to IKEA for dinner and some play area fun upstairs while daddy slept off his movie star sickness amidst the crumbs and sweat in the picnic bed.

I’m feeling loads better now, but, I did learn three very valuable lessons during my brief stint in fevertown. The first is that two-parent households have it way easier. Honestly, I don’t know how single parents do this job alone. I just don’t. It’s way too hard. So, single parents of the world, consider yourselves saluted! God bless each and every one of you.

The second thing I learned is that kids eat free at IKEA on Tuesdays. Wow, who knew? And finally, the third and possibly most important lesson I learned this week is that picnic day in daddy and mommy’s bed is a horrible idea. Seriously, our bed look like a crime scene and we just did laundry. So, until we venture to the laundomat again, all I can do is close my eyes, plug my nose, and pray that those hideous brown streaks on my pillow are from Nutella.

Beating the heat: Burbank style

Whew, I don’t know what the weather’s like where you are, but the dogs days of summer are definitely upon us down here in beautiful downtown Burbank. Seriously, the past couple of weeks have been total stay-inside-and-watch-movie weather. Actually, we stay inside and do other things too, but, movies are more fun to blog about.

So, our movie of the moment is “Enchanted”, which, in my mind, is pretty much a perfect film. Great story, fantastic cast, awesome songs and best of all, it makes New York City look even more lush and magical than it already is. So cool! And let me tell you, as far as re-watchability goes, “Enchanted” is right up there with the best of them. Trust me, I’ve watched it at least once a day since Friday, so, I know of what I speak.

Another way we beat the heat is by going to IKEA. Yep, the Swedish-furniture-shopping mecca is actually home to one of the coolest indoor play areas in town. Actually, it might be the only indoor children’s play area in town…um, you know, that’s free.

Anyway, we’ve been going there since Greta was a baby (seriously, “IKEA” was one of her first words!) and lemme tell ya, she could play on that Virre kiddie slide and PS Lömsk swivel chair for hours. Hell, she even gets a kick out of arranging and re-arranging the pint-sized Mammut furniture. She’s so meticulous too, it’s like she’s setting that shit up for a party or something. Hilarious!

And finally, our third, and favorite, way to beat the heat in Burbank…the good old public library! Specifically, the Buena Vista branch. Not only do they have a super cool playground and park just outside their back door, but their children’s department is excellent and beautifully laid-out with fake trees and stuffed animals everywhere you look. We started coming here as soon as Greta could leave the house without the fear of large birds snatching her away from us and she loves it. And yes, “library” was also one of her first words.

Oh, and best of all, the library, like IKEA, and one tiny little corner of our living room, is totally air-conditioned! So, yay for that!