Inappropriate Elimination

Ever had one of those weeks where you have a bunch of people coming into town or some big event or just a bunch of stuff happening in a few days and instead of doing anything useful until those days arrive…you totally waste every waking minute not doing anything constructive? Like you’ve got so much shit to do that you can’t decide what to do first, so, you check Facebook instead? Well, that’s what this past week has been like for me.

I cleaned up the house after the Oscar party on Monday, introduced Greta to the multi-cultural thrills of Mexican Lotería on Tuesday, and mourned Davy Jones on Wednesday — seriously, aside from a trip to the park, that’s kinda all I did today — and now, with the first of several houseguests arriving sometime tomorrow, I have tons of crap to do and no time. Oh well, at least the house is clean. Kinda. Well, lets just say it’s clean enough for the houseguest we have staying with us first.

Anyway, in the midst of all this craziness we bought a new cat box for our woefully-neglected cat, Nigella. Not thinking anything of it, I chucked the old litter box in the garbage on garbage day, so, it was gone, like, permanently, before I realized that Nigella hates and will not use her shiny new litter box. Not only did she shit on the carpet (twice), but Greta and I actually watched her pee on the rug behind the kitchen table while we played Lotería. WTF, cat?!!

I’m sorry, but, I went off on that poor kitty. In case P.E.T.A. or the SPCA is reading, I won’t go into details, but, there was a lot of kitty nose rubbing in piss and swearing going on. Greta, of course, found the entire episode hilarious and only stopped laughing long enough to remind me that I was using several of the very worst words on our “bad words” list. Oy…what a night. And then, of course, I couldn’t sleep. Every noise I heard sounded like an angry, abused cat pissing on my laptop bag or the fancy blue chair in the living room. So, I turned to Google.

Turns out there is a term for a cat not using their litter box, it’s called “inappropriate elimination”. And the experts agree that the best way to avoid inappropriate elimination is to place your new cat box side by side with the old one until the cat transitions over. Of course, that makes perfect sense. But, as I mentioned above, our old cat box was halfway to the recycling center before I realized I still needed it. Lucky me.

I know it sounds mean, but, my patience for kitty potty drama — or kitty drama of any kind, if I’m being honest — is pretty much non-existent since Greta came along. It’s terrible, I know, but, I just don’t have the time or energy to monitor one more living thing. Urgh…poor, Nigella. Life will get better for you when Greta gets older, I promise.

Anyway, just this morning, the cat finally used her box for the first time. Greta was thrilled: “Look, Daddy, Nigella made a big poopy in her box!” And I was relieved, but, still a little suspicious. So, all I can do now is keep our valuables off the floor, make sure Greta’s bedroom door is always closed, and pray that the cat doesn’t inappropriately eliminate on any of us while we sleep.

Like I said, it’s been a long week…