Putting the “die” in diet…

Yikes, this week flew by. Where were we? Oh yeah, when last we talked, Mrs. Yeti and I were suffering through some major DT’s and drinking lots of hot liquids. Fun! Well, as much I’d like to say that Project X got better last week, it actually got ten times harder…for me, at least. Sorry, I guess I just got sick of eating the same shit all the time…

Oh yeah, and we did cheat a little too. Last Friday night Mrs. Yeti and I had a very rare date night out and went to see a pre-release screening of Dark Shadows followed by a Q&A with the screenwriter. The movie was cool and the discussion afterwards was even better, but, the fact that that was our first night out sans-Greta since January, well, that’s just plain crazy. Wow.

Anyway, being out alone made us totally hungry and we decided that since it was a date night we could eat whatever the hell we wanted. So, we cheated and went to In-N-Out burgers for what I have to say was one of the most spectacular fast food experiences of my life. Seriously, I wanted to stay in that moment forever…it was amazing.

And surprisingly, neither of us felt like hell the next day, so, we just jumped right back onto the Project X bandwagon and kept on trucking. And except for devouring a piece of fried chicken that my brother (our designated babysitter that night) had left behind in our fridge, I was pretty good. Actually, devour is a nice word for what I did to that deep-fried chicken tit. Yikes…I was not myself, amigos.

Anyway, after the fast food blowout and the poor, defiled chicken breast, I was really good for the rest of the weekend. So good, in fact, that when I hauled my fat ass to the cow scale at the laundry mat to weigh myself, I had actually lost a whopping 8.5 pounds! In seven days! Insanity! Seriously, I haven’t lost that much weight in years.

So, you’d think that would make the following week even easier to navigate, but, you’d be wrong. Last week sucked. It was long, I didn’t get nearly enough sleep, and pretty much every lame thing you can think of came to pass. Urgh…I felt like there was a little cartoon raincloud over my head all week, pouring down on me while the rest of the world was all happy and shiny and shit. It was no fun. And, honestly, it made Project X almost unbearable.

But, despite it all, we both stuck with it. Mrs Yeti lost a few mores pounds and I think is holding steady at six pounds lost so far, which is great! and I will find out how much more weight I lost (or, more likely, didn’t lose) tomorrow when I hit the cow scale again. Wish me luck!

Project X

This past weekend, Mrs. Yeti and I decided to embark on a secret weight loss regime that I’m going to call Project X. I know I could cut out the middle man and call it what it really is, but, honestly, I hate it when people blog about weight loss and all that. I know it’s lame, but there’s a kind of “I found it!” zealotry that overtakes people who lose a lot of weight, and having been a big dude most of my adult life, well, I’ve heard more than my share of “I found it!” testimonials over the years.

Nothing against those happy, newly-skinny folks out there — I mean, seriously, good on you for losing the weight! — but when it’s followed by the inevitable head-to-toe body scan that just about screams: “So, when are you gonna find it, fatty?” Well, that’s when I wanna start force-feeding those skinny bitches donuts and shit.

Even worse are the folks who preach the almighty diet on Facebook. Seriously, if I read one more status update about how many miles someone jogged that morning or how many inches they lost at their last weigh-in, well, shit, I might just have to un-friend the bloody lot of them. Grrr…Yeti hate!

Anyway, now that I got all my grumpy-old-fat-man ranting out of the way, I am going to do exactly what I most hate and blog about the ultra top-secret diet that Mrs. Yeti and I are trying out this week. I won’t say too much now, as I am extremely superstitious (not to mention, only halfway through the first day at the time of this writing) but, so far, things have been a little rough.

The morning was OK, and the early-afternoon a little less so, and then came the total witching hour. This happened at around 6-7:00PM-ish, which, due to my crazy writer hours is about halfway through my day. I guess for normal people that would be the post-lunch slump.

Anyway, that period sucked. No, more than sucked. It was fucking brutal and I was a straight-up crazy man. Seriously, I thought I was gonna start seeing visions or something. I couldn’t focus on anything, writing made me hungry, watching TV made me crazy hungry (Taco Bell ads never looked so good!) and preparing food for Greta made me feel like a rabid vampire. I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and instead of just licking my fingers afterwards as I normally would, I stood at the sink salivating over that deliciousness and then quickly washed my hands. Yep, I actually washed peanut butter and jelly off my hands for the first time in my life. Urgh, even writing about it makes me sad. Such a waste…

Things got better after dinner and we had some fun family dance time around the Wii before bedtime, so, that was good too. But, wow, that witching hour break down is kinda haunting me. I mean, that was only day one! Just imagine how insane my hungry-ass will be by the weekend. Oy, it’s gonna be a long week…