Questioning our “Elf on the Shelf”

I don’t know if it’s her age (four and a half must be the magic number!) or what, but, Greta is totally Christmas-crazed this year. Everything about the holiday is new and exciting and wonderful and as you can imagine, it’s been a total blast. All she wants to do is bake and decorate and shop and wrap presents…it’s hilarious.

And another one of Greta’s favorite things to do lately is talk the ear off of our beloved Elf on the Shelf Christmas elf, Paul. For those of you who don’t know the story, Elf on the Shelf elves arrive at your home in early December to watch over the kids. Then, every night after everyone is in bed, the elf flies home to the North Pole to give Santa an update on the child’s behavior and every day when the little one’s wake up, the elf has moved to a new perch in the household.

Aside from being a really cute and very fun tradition, the elf is also very useful as a disciplinary tool…especially when your wee one is throwing an epic, candy-fueled tantrum. I simply have to ask: “What would Paul think of that?” and Greta usually shapes up straight away. So, thanks, Paul!

Anyway, like I said, Greta loves looking for him every morning and actually spends a lot of time “chatting” with Paul about her day, what she wants for Christmas, I even caught her showing him some of her superfly new ballet moves one time. It’s very cute.

And then, this past weekend, everything changed when a very concerned Greta asked Mrs. Yeti and myself why Paul (who she had been carefully scrutinizing all afternoon) has a tag on him. “I thought he was real, but he has a tag, like a toy.” Greta said. “Is Paul a toy?”

Stunned by the question, Mrs. Yeti and I shared a blank look and then I quickly replied that the tag was like the luggage tags that we put on our suitcases when we fly on an airplane and that Paul has one in case he gets lost on his way to the North Pole every night. Greta stared at us for a long skeptical beat and then muttered: “Hmmm…OK.”

I think she bought my story, but, Greta is a pretty observant kid, so, I’m afraid the magic of Paul might not last as long as we’d hoped. And I still can’t help wondering why the fudge Paul has a tag in the first place?! I mean, I know there are laws about all that stuff, but, surely the Elf on a Shelf could have a freaking removable tag! Urgh…

And on top of all that, we went to see our usual Santa this weekend and Greta said she needed to come up with something else to ask him for since she already told the low-rent Santa we saw a couple of weeks back at a street fair what she wanted. Thinking fast, we told her that the previous Santa was just one of the man in red’s helpers, and that seemed to work. But, wow, this magic of Christmas business is hard work, man…

“Christmas Wishes” on KOST (2013)

Not sure if you guys remember this or not, but, every year around Christmas time we get loads of comments on our sister blog about a post I wrote five years ago (!) about KOST 103.5’s “Christmas Wishes” program. Most of the people commenting seem to think that our blog is somehow connected to KOST and ask for all sorts of crazy things for Christmas.

It’s actually kind of sad sometimes, especially the people who write about losing spouses and stuff…yikes…if it’s true, my heart goes out to them. But on the other hand, part of me wonders what the hell they are thinking coming to our blog for “Christmas Wishes.” I mean, if they took the time to actually read the original blog post they’d see I was writing about how much we love listening to the “Christmas Wishes” on the radio, not granting them! Urgh…

Thankfully, we haven’t gotten nearly as many comments this year as we did in year’s past — I only say thankfully because they do kind of make me feel guilty sometimes, like it’s the universe’s way of asking me to play Santa or something — but, the one’s we did get are pretty good, so, I’m going to repost them below. And if I had my wish this Christmas, I would bring both of these poor saps a couple of commas and maybe a period or two for Christmas, because, as you can see, they could really use them. Merry Christmas, everyone!

A Merry, Much-belated, Christmas (2012)

Yeah, I know I’ve been away for far too long, but, between Mrs. Yeti launching her Library Store on Wheels and me trying to stay on top of a number of writing deadlines, the past few months have literally been a blur. A good blur, a fun blur, but a blur nonetheless!

We were so behind on things this year that we didn’t even send out Christmas cards till December 30th — I say if they are sent out during the month of December, they still count! — and barely even got in to see Santa before he went home to prep for Christmas Day, so, the fact that I’m even posting Greta’s Santa pic is kind of a mini achievement in itself. I’d celebrate with a drink, but, I have too much work to do and drinking would just put me to sleep. But, trust me, it feels awesome to blog again (for any amount of time) so, inside, I’m celebrating my ass off.

That said, I’ll leave you for now with this year’s Santa pic. As you can see, he’s the same dude we’ve been going to for the past few years and he rocks. Greta actually talked his ear off this time too, it was very sweet. And though Greta didn’t get the Barbie kitchen she asked him for, she loves the IKEA one Santa brought in its place. And as she said when she first saw the IKEA kitchen under the tree on Christmas day: “Santa didn’t bring me the Barbie kitchen, he brought this one instead. But, that’s OK, I’ll just put stickers on it.”

Ah, the magic of Christmas…here’s hoping yours was fun too and that the year ahead is good to us all. Happy belated Holidays, everyone!