Slogging through it…

Surprisingly, the last two days on Project X haven’t been nearly as bad as the first. Actually, I don’t know why I was surprised, because everyone I know who has done this diet swears that it gets easier to, pun intended, stomach, as time goes by. But, like I said last time, I don’t trust the wisdom of the newly-skinny — I can’t prove anything yet, but, I seriously think losing a pant size or two in a short period of time changes the wiring in your brain! — so, I was prepared to suffer.

However, aside from a truly terrible bought of bread and donut/sugar withdrawal on Tuesday afternoon — I actually sniffed Greta’s popsicle before giving it to her, and lemme tell ya, that frozen lime smelled like heaven! — and a very sluggish morning on Wednesday, things were OK. You know, as OK as they can be in a world without ice cream.

Actually, ice cream isn’t even on the list of things I’ve been craving. Mostly, I think I just crave the freedom to grab a bite of whatever amazingly-tasty kid food it is that Greta is eating at the moment. But, hey, I’m in this for the long haul, or until I go crazy and gnaw my own arm off, so, I will abstain from fruit leathers and Peeps for the moment.

Oh yeah, I also make a pretty amazing berry smoothie this morning with yogurt and agave nectar. Yes, I said agave nectar with a straight face. So, I guess it’s official now, this diet is turning me into even more of a girl…

Project X

This past weekend, Mrs. Yeti and I decided to embark on a secret weight loss regime that I’m going to call Project X. I know I could cut out the middle man and call it what it really is, but, honestly, I hate it when people blog about weight loss and all that. I know it’s lame, but there’s a kind of “I found it!” zealotry that overtakes people who lose a lot of weight, and having been a big dude most of my adult life, well, I’ve heard more than my share of “I found it!” testimonials over the years.

Nothing against those happy, newly-skinny folks out there — I mean, seriously, good on you for losing the weight! — but when it’s followed by the inevitable head-to-toe body scan that just about screams: “So, when are you gonna find it, fatty?” Well, that’s when I wanna start force-feeding those skinny bitches donuts and shit.

Even worse are the folks who preach the almighty diet on Facebook. Seriously, if I read one more status update about how many miles someone jogged that morning or how many inches they lost at their last weigh-in, well, shit, I might just have to un-friend the bloody lot of them. Grrr…Yeti hate!

Anyway, now that I got all my grumpy-old-fat-man ranting out of the way, I am going to do exactly what I most hate and blog about the ultra top-secret diet that Mrs. Yeti and I are trying out this week. I won’t say too much now, as I am extremely superstitious (not to mention, only halfway through the first day at the time of this writing) but, so far, things have been a little rough.

The morning was OK, and the early-afternoon a little less so, and then came the total witching hour. This happened at around 6-7:00PM-ish, which, due to my crazy writer hours is about halfway through my day. I guess for normal people that would be the post-lunch slump.

Anyway, that period sucked. No, more than sucked. It was fucking brutal and I was a straight-up crazy man. Seriously, I thought I was gonna start seeing visions or something. I couldn’t focus on anything, writing made me hungry, watching TV made me crazy hungry (Taco Bell ads never looked so good!) and preparing food for Greta made me feel like a rabid vampire. I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and instead of just licking my fingers afterwards as I normally would, I stood at the sink salivating over that deliciousness and then quickly washed my hands. Yep, I actually washed peanut butter and jelly off my hands for the first time in my life. Urgh, even writing about it makes me sad. Such a waste…

Things got better after dinner and we had some fun family dance time around the Wii before bedtime, so, that was good too. But, wow, that witching hour break down is kinda haunting me. I mean, that was only day one! Just imagine how insane my hungry-ass will be by the weekend. Oy, it’s gonna be a long week…