Swimming Lessons (2014)

Greta started her third year of swimming lessons this week — hard to believe she's been doing anything for three summers already, but she has — and though I still have some issues with the cleanliness of the pool's locker room and outdoor shower area, so far, things are going great.

Her teacher is very cool, the class size is much smaller than last year (there are six kids in her class versus last year's whopping 12-14!) and best of all, the pool finally got some chairs for parents to sit on. I've noticed that you have to get there kind of early to score a chair, but, hey, if that's what it takes, I'll be there before roll call every day!

Anyway, as you can imagine, I'm taking loads of pics every day (from the comfort of my awesome new deck chair!) but, this one seemed to sum up the unbridled joy of summer swimming lessons better than all of them combined, so…enjoy!

 

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Beating The Heat: Play-Doh Style!

Don’t know what the weather’s like where you’re at, but, it’s been a swampy mess down here and Greta and I have been literally melting in the heat. Proclaiming she was too hot to walk the other day, Greta actually crumpled to her knees and made me carry her to the car before ballet class.

The next day, she crawled to the back door to put her shoes on because “her feet stopped working.” and then yesterday it was so hot that it actually rained. Today too. And when I say rain, I’m not talking about deep, cleansing rain that makes the L.A. skyline all super blue. Nope. This was just enough rain to increase the swamp factor in the air and make your car looks like shit. Good times.

So, when the rain started today we decided to stay inside and color until it cooled down. And once it did, we hurried to the store to pick up something new and fun (and most importantly, cheap!) to play with. We only ventured as far as CVS, so, our options were kinda limited, but, today, luck was on our side. And somewhere between the kids crafts and fake Barbie dolls on the toy aisle, I found the perfect inside toy…the Play-Doh Fun Factory!

Longtime Play-Doh aficionados will remember the Fun Factory as the little hand pump machine with the plastic strips with different shaped holes in them. I don’t know if my brother and I ever actually owned one, but, man, did we love that thing when we were kids. Anyway, one of Greta’s friends has a vintage Fun Factory and we’ve been on the hunt for one for for weeks now.

Our only disappointment was that the 2013 edition of the Fun Factory doesn’t come with those cool little plastic scissors, but instead comes with a tiny knife. Weird huh? Other than that, the little pump still cranks out star-shaped snakes and long, curly Play-Doh hair with the best of em. So, hooray for indoor summer fun!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Greta’s feet did start working again the other day. All I had to do was promise her a Hello Kitty popsicle and she was cured. Strange how that works, huh?

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Burbank, CA

Date Night TV: “Big Brother 15”

OK, even if I wasn’t currently working for an aviation-themed magazine, I would still think the new “have not” bedroom on Big Brother 15 is freaking ingenious. Yes, we watch Big Brother, like, religiously. It’s one of the only shows that made the cut when Greta was born, and even if we have to stay up way after she’s gone to bed to catch up on some not safe for kids episodes (especially this season, which is already off to a homophobic, racially-charged start!) we’ll do it.

For those of you not familiar with the show, randomly selected contestants called houseguests are picked to live in a house where their every move is taped all day for the entire summer. Their only contact with the outside world is with the lovely Julie Chen — who fans affectionately refer to as “The Chenbot” for her alluringly robotic demeanor — who appears on the show once a week for a live elimination episode.

Aside from arguing, drinking and running around half-naked in the backyard, each week contestants compete for all sorts of insane food prizes and something called “Head of Household”, which means they get to sleep in a fancy private bedroom upstairs and nominate two houseguests for eviction during their reign. Meanwhile, the rest of the houseguests compete to see which of them will be “haves” and eat normal food for the week, and which will be “have nots” and eat something called slop (which looks like really grey oatmeal) for the week.

Another awful thing the “have not” houseguests must endure during their week is a stay in the “have not” bedroom. In past seasons, “have nots” have slept on cots or even the floor, but, this year, the BB producers have outdone themselves with an aviation-themed “have not” bedroom that utilizes actual airplane seats for beds. Ha!

The room also features stacked suitcases in lieu of dressers and airplane-style overhead storage bins for anything else the “have nots” might want to stow during their stay. Hilarious! Luckily, it looks like the armrests on the chairs do fold up, so, at least there’s that.

But if you’re like me and the concept of sleeping on airplane seats for a couple of hours makes your back hurt. Just imagine how jacked up you’d be after an entire week of fetal position side sleeping. Urgh…I’ll take the floor, thank you.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Burbank, CA

Greta’s Dance Recital Rehearsal Pics (2013)

There’s no video yet (at least not any worth sharing) but, I did take loads of pictures at Greta’s dance recital two weekends ago. But, my favorite pics were actually the ones I took the day before at the dress rehearsal. So, here are just a few of the standouts. Unlike last year, everything went off without a hitch this time around and both the show and the rehearsal were awesome!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the cute little blonde boy is Greta’s “husband” Rocco. Yes, she actually calls him that. And, as you can see from the pics, they are adorable together. Seriously, sometimes my teeth hurt from the cuteness!

Anyway, thanks also to everyone who made the schlep to Burbank High School to see the big show this year. And for those of you who couldn’t come, fear not, there is a professional videotape copy coming our way very soon. Once it gets here, we’ll bring it by so you can relive the show with us in the comfort of your own living room. Who knows, if you’re lucky, Greta might just tap out her number for you in person too. Lord knows she’s not shy about dancing in living rooms…or, actually, anywhere for that matter. Enjoy the pics!

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Burbank, CA

BlogPress App for iPad

Hey again. See, I told you you’d get sick of me pretty quick. Anyway, just wanted to write about this super cool new App I bought tonight. See, another big reason I haven’t been blogging is that it’s really, really hard to do it on an iPad Mini or even a regular iPad for that matter. I don’t know why it is, but, there are just certain things that you can’t do easily when blogging on an iPad, which, to me is totally lame, because, that’s part of the fun of having this shiny little bauble in your pocket in the first place. Yes, my iPad Mini fits in my jacket pocket. Cool, huh? But, I’m always worried I’m gonna forget it’s there and sit down on it or something, so, I usually keep it in my backpack with the baby wipes, bandaids, extra panties and all the other craziness I carry around all day.

Anyway, we were talking about blogging on an iPad. Like I said, it’s hard and time consuming, so, I usually just give up and don’t blog. But, that started to annoy me, so, after a terrible night of blogging (last night) on my laptop (which has problems of it’s own that I won’t bore you with now) I tried blogging again on my iPad using the official WordPress App and guess what happened? I lost my entire blog post. TWICE! I actually had to retype (retype!!) the entire post in Word on my laptop and then paste it into the WordPress program that way. So f-ing annoying!

So, today, while Greta made me a lovely imaginary breakfast of strawberry tea and eggs with some kind of frosting on them, I did a little research and discovered, BlogPress, the lovely blogging App that I am currently using to write this with. So far, so good. I can upload pics and videos in a flash, I can type my posts much, much faster than I could on the WordPress App and best of all, BlogPress links up with your blog automatically, so, you don’t have to know shit about computers. Hooray!

Anyway, just wanted to give them a shout out. Thanks, BlogPress, you are worth every cent of the $2.99 sale price I paid for you at the iTunes App Store! Oh, and just for the record, the extra panties in my backpack are not for me. Thanks.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Los Angeles

Swimming Lessons (2013)

Sorry for being away for so long, but, have been insanely busy the past couple of months. I know that’s what I always say, but, it’s the truth. Working and raising a kid is hard, yo! And now that I know how much sleep I really need and am trying to get it, I’m afraid blogging has fallen by the wayside. That said, there are a million things I wanted to share with you guys, so, since I just finished up a major project  yesterday, be prepared to be bombarded with blog posts big and small!

The other major time suck of the past two weeks has been Greta’s swim lessons. I know I shouldn’t call it a time suck, because, she loves going to the pool every day and she’s actually really good at it. The reason it’s such a black hole of a time suck is because of the time we scheduled the classes: 5:10-5:40PM. I know that sounds ideal for a vampire family like ours, but it actually eats into our day in a really weird way.

If we do anything remotely fun during the day, we know that every Monday thru Thursday we have to be back in Burbank for our swimming lessons. So, it cramps our park time with friends, makes dinner later than it normally would be, and worst of all, Greta is always tired by the time we get to the pool. Today she told me her legs were too tired to walk to the pool, so I had to carry her! So, note to self: ‘Do not schedule swimming lessons for this late in the day next summer.’ Urgh…

The other major bummer about the swim lessons is that, just like last year, the parents SUCK! No one talks to each other, like, ever. There is a small group of Chinese moms that chit chat with each other while their kids swim, and another set of Indian moms who do the same, but, they all speak in their native tongues. So, even the eavesdropping such at this pool. I have tried talking with some of the dads, a couple of the grandparents, and even Stripper Mom. (Remember her? The tousled blonde chick from Greta’s ‘school’?) but even she shuts me down every time. I’m like, hello, we’ve met a million times. Do you really not remember me? Wow. Guess she must be busy counting her stash of singles in her head or something. The only good thing about her being there is that the afternoons are much closer to her actual work time, so, unlike the mornings where she looks like hell, here, she always look super hot. So, that helps a little…

But seriously, who do I have to kill to find someone to chat with at this pool?! Anyway, at the end of the day, it’s not about me or the other parents at all. It’s about Greta, and she loves her new pool and her new teachers and most of all, her new Minnie Mouse two-piece. So, have at it kid! Daddy will just sit and take pictures…