Every once in a while, I stop and take a look at my life and realize that, with a few notable exceptions, my world is full of women. I have two moms — wait, that sounds wrong, not two moms in a lesbian couple kinda way, but, you know, my mom and my stepmom — a bunch of female friends and family and I live with two women…or, um, one woman and one toddler who just thinks and acts like she’s a grown-ass woman. Hell, even our cat is a girl.
Any way you look at it, I will always be outnumbered. And usually, that’s cool. I mean, I love women, girls, toddlers, whatever. In fact, I usually get along better with women than men. And anyone who knows me can tell you that I am definitely not Joe Macho Man, but, every so often, I do tend to feel a bit ganged up on.
I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, poor, Yeti. Ganged up on by a bunch of girls!” And I know it sounds stupid, but, sometimes I really wanna just, you know, take a piss in the forest or catch a fish with my bare hands and shit. OK, I don’t really wanna catch a fish with my bare hands, and, truth be told, I pee outside a lot. But, the point I’m trying to make here is that every once in a while, it would be great if all the ladies in my life (that includes you, Greta!) took a moment to appreciate me for all the good things I do and not harp on the bad. You know?
I’m not asking for a party or a parade or anything, but, just the chance to be who I am without anyone commenting on it. Hell, even just a big old bear hug and a smile would do. For instance, Greta told me the other day that I was the “Sweetest Dad she knew.” and then she hugged me really hard and that shit made my day. Of course, she changed her tune pretty quick when I told her she couldn’t eat her dinner in front of her little TV. But, for that moment, I was golden and it felt awesome.
So, ladies, if I seem grouchy or moody or out of sorts sometimes, it’s not because I don’t love you or appreciate all the good that you do (because I totally do!), I’m probably just feeling a wee bit outnumbered. So, you know, give a brother a break once in a while. I might love all kinds of truly girlie shit, but, deep down, I am not one of you. And if I wanna be my messy, sweaty, sleep-deprived self sometimes…let me. And if I ask for space to go duck hunting or whatever, well, let me do that too.
OK. That’s all I got. Thanks for listening and see ya at the next Barbie tea party in Greta’s room. Oh, and, for the record, the only thing I really hunt for are bargains. But, that still counts! So, Grrrr…leave me alone, I’m tracking some reasonably-priced Blu-Rays at Costco!