Trailer Thursday: “The Slap”

I know Trailer Thursday’s are usually reserved for movies, but, this upcoming miniseries “event” on NBC looks just too crazy and bad/good not to share. I don’t know much about The Slap except that it is an American adaptation of a UK miniseries that actually won some acting awards and shit. And since this version features a cast of heavy-hitters (Peter Sarsgaard, Uma Thurman and Brian Cox in a miniseries? On NBC?! insanity!) and is directed by Oscar-nominated writer/director Lisa Cholodenko, I figure it’s either gonna be really good or really crazy bad.

Either way, our DVR has been set for weeks. Enjoy!

 

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“Downton Abbey” Halloween Costumes for Kids

Move over sexy Frozen costumes, there's a new king in town. Or, should I say, Earl, as in Chasing Fireflies' totally awesome Downton Abbey Earl of Grantham costume for kids. That's right, amigos, they have store-bought Downton Abbey Halloween costumes for kids and they are freaking adorable!

Currently, there are four Downton Abbey costumes available for the wee ones: Servent Jimmy, Lady's Maid Anna, The Earl of Grantham and Lady Grantham herself, the Countess of Grantham. And lest the kids have all the fun Chasing Firelies also offers adult versions of the costumes as well. And with a dedicated line of Downton Abbey accessories — including white servent gloves, jewelry and an adorable teddy bear decked out in Lady Grantham's signature white and black ensemlble — how can you lose?

The only downside to this amazingly geeky venture is the price tag. Chasing Fireflies' Downton Abbey children's costumes range in price from $64.50 to $89.50, and the adult versions top out at a whopping $119.50. I'm not saying that these beautifully-tailored costumes aren't worth it, but, man, at that price I'd hope they throw in a fancy Dowager Countess wig or something to boot. Yikes!

 

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BB Comics on “Big Brother 16”

Just when I thought that our beloved summer TV trashfest Big Brother couldn’t get any more weird and totally geeky, they introduced comic books to the mix. That’s right, amigos, Wednesday nights’s Veto Competition revolved around the houseguests trying to remember the exact order of a series of specially designed BB Comic books featuring hilarious artist renderings of the cast.

The covers were so cool, in fact, that rather just tell you about them, I decided to post them here as well. So, enjoy! Oh, and in case you were wondering, I’m kinda partial to “The Beard,” but, what I’d really love to see is a Chenbot comic book! Talk about suitable for framing…wow!

 

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Date Night TV: “Big Brother 15”

OK, even if I wasn’t currently working for an aviation-themed magazine, I would still think the new “have not” bedroom on Big Brother 15 is freaking ingenious. Yes, we watch Big Brother, like, religiously. It’s one of the only shows that made the cut when Greta was born, and even if we have to stay up way after she’s gone to bed to catch up on some not safe for kids episodes (especially this season, which is already off to a homophobic, racially-charged start!) we’ll do it.

For those of you not familiar with the show, randomly selected contestants called houseguests are picked to live in a house where their every move is taped all day for the entire summer. Their only contact with the outside world is with the lovely Julie Chen — who fans affectionately refer to as “The Chenbot” for her alluringly robotic demeanor — who appears on the show once a week for a live elimination episode.

Aside from arguing, drinking and running around half-naked in the backyard, each week contestants compete for all sorts of insane food prizes and something called “Head of Household”, which means they get to sleep in a fancy private bedroom upstairs and nominate two houseguests for eviction during their reign. Meanwhile, the rest of the houseguests compete to see which of them will be “haves” and eat normal food for the week, and which will be “have nots” and eat something called slop (which looks like really grey oatmeal) for the week.

Another awful thing the “have not” houseguests must endure during their week is a stay in the “have not” bedroom. In past seasons, “have nots” have slept on cots or even the floor, but, this year, the BB producers have outdone themselves with an aviation-themed “have not” bedroom that utilizes actual airplane seats for beds. Ha!

The room also features stacked suitcases in lieu of dressers and airplane-style overhead storage bins for anything else the “have nots” might want to stow during their stay. Hilarious! Luckily, it looks like the armrests on the chairs do fold up, so, at least there’s that.

But if you’re like me and the concept of sleeping on airplane seats for a couple of hours makes your back hurt. Just imagine how jacked up you’d be after an entire week of fetal position side sleeping. Urgh…I’ll take the floor, thank you.

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Location:Burbank, CA

Quote of the Day: James Gandolfini

I was never a regular viewer of The Sopranos when it was on, but, I saw enough episodes to know that it was, like Twin Peaks or The X-Files before it, totally game-changing television. And though I loved James Gandolfini on the show, I think I loved him even more in some of his smaller supporting roles in movies.

For instance, I don’t remember one goddamn thing about that piece of crap Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts movie The Mexican except that I loved Gandolfini in it. I also loved him in more recent stuff like Zero Dark Thirty and that crazy-good TV movie Cinema Verite with Diane Lane. He was one of those guys who just walked in, read a few lines and totally stole the movie. But, even better than that, I liked watching him on interviews where he seemed like a genuinely humble regular dude who just happened to fall into massive Hollywood fame. Guys like that don’t come around too often, and when they leave us at such a young age, man, it makes the loss even greater.

So, for that and for the fact that I totally agree with what he says about people who like to meet up for breakfast (unless it’s a late breakfast at noon, can’t stand em!), I salute the late, great James Gandolfini in his own words. RIP, Mr. Soprano.

“I read [The Sopranos pilot]. I liked it. I thought it was good. But I thought they would have to hire some good-looking guy, not George Clooney but some Italian George Clooney, and that would be that. But they called me and they said can I meet David [Chase] for breakfast at nine a.m. At the time I was younger and I stayed out late a lot, and I was like, ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake. This guy wants to eat breakfast? This guy’s going to be a pain in the ass.'”

Location:Los Angeles

“A Mother’s Prayer” by Tina Fey

I know this has been all over the internet and Facebook in the past couple of weeks (and even further back than that), but, I just read Tina Fey’s “A Mother’s Prayer” from her book Bossy Pants today. So, it’s new to me. And I gotta tell ya, I laughed out loud more than once at some of the funny-ass shit she says here. Hilarious!

So, if you’re reading this aloud within earshot of your wee ones, makes sure you have some change for your swear jars readily at hand and have at it. Happy Mother’s Day 2013 everyone!

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be beautiful but not damaged, for it’s the damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from acting but not all the way to finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes. And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need not lie with drummers.

Grant her a rough patch from twelve to seventeen.

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, for childhood is short — a Tiger Flower blooming magenta for one day – and adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for “Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.”

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me. And she will forget.

But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.